miercuri, 22 decembrie 2021

Charles and Carlos

 


 Once upon a time there was a hippopotamus. His name was Charles and he lived in a building block in a suburb of Mijik City. 

Charles was depressed and  fed up with neighbors complaining all the time. He could barely walk in his own flat because the whole building was shaking and everybody (except him) got terrified. So he was basically stuck in his apartment. 

Ding Dong!

- Mr. Charles! There´s post for you. 

- It´s open. (Said Charles). Come on in. 

The postman entered and, slightly distressed, handed Charles his letter.

- God day, sir. (Said the postman. Then he turned around and left)

Charles looked at the envelope where it was written with big letters: EVACUATION NOTICE!

He had an intuition about who and why is getting evacuated, but read the letter anyway. 

"The neighbors committee of Blooming Flower Street number 115B unanimously votes for the evacuation of Mr. Charles Smith a.k.a. Mr. Hippo for reasons of safety. Therefore Mr. Smith must leave his apartment before 30th Nov. 2089. In case of refusal, radical measures will be taken. 

Signed respectfully,

All Neighbors."

- 30th of November? But that´s a week from now. What am I going to do? 

He wished he would have a clearer mind, but a mosquito kept bothering him each time he got a slight idea so he ended up slapping  his ear several times instead. 

- Let me read the letter! Let me read the letter! (A mysterious voice said)

- Hey! Who said that? 

- What are you doing?

- Who is there?

- What is the letter about?

- Who is talking? Come out?

- Why the panic? It´s me. 

- Me who?

- Me, Carlos. 

- Carlos?

- Yes, Carlos.

- Carlos who? 

- Carlos Mosq. 

Charles slapped his ear one more time and then looked closely. Yes, it was the mosquito talking indeed. 

- What do you want? Go away and leave me alone!

- Let me read that letter, would you?

- No. 

- Yes!

- Here. 

Carlos buzzed annoyingly while he was reading the letter. 

- Wow! That´s fucked up, man! Said Carlos. But, on the other hand, you were like a prisoner here anyway. Maybe it is a chance to be free.  

- I don´t understand, I barely moved in years and they are still kicking me out. That´s not fair! I feel so stupid. 

Carlos looked at Charles with deep sympathy and asked:

- Excuse me, I know maybe it is not the right time, but ... what were you doing here anyway? How in the world did you think you will fit in? 

- I always wished to be a human. Humans are so cool. They seem to have everything figured out, like ... they have two right hands. They always seem to know what they are doing. They sing, they talk interesting things, they dance, they dress up in the most spectacular manners. I just wanted to be like them or ... at least among them. I thought that if I keep myself quiet enough, still enough they won´t notice the difference.

- You were hoping they won´t notice a hippo in the building? Really?

- Yes, that´s what I thought. I told you, I am not smart like they are. I guess I miscalculated.  What shall I do now? I don´t know where to go, not even how to get out. I´ve been stuck in this flat for years. What will I do?!

- Don´t despair, my friend. Maybe I can help. 

- How ever will you help me get out of here? You are just a mosquito. 

- Yes, but I am smart. Quite an engineer myself.

- Yeah right. 

- Just wait and see. We´ll get you out in no time. Can I use this carpet?

- Sure!

- Purrrfect! I´ll be right back. 

Carlos went out and came back, taking little trips all night. He was going out and coming back to do something weird with the carpet. 

- What are you doing? ( Asked Charles the Hippo)  

- I am preparing our vehicle. I am almost done. 

- I don´t understand a thing. 

- You will in a moment. 

Carlos Mosq went back and forth a few more times then stopped at the carpet and made the final adjustments and said:

- Ready when you are, my friend. Anything you would like to take along with you?

- My toaster

- Coming up. 

Carlos brought Charles the toaster and said:

- There you go, now let´s get you on that carpet. 

- How are we going to travel on that? (Asked Charles while he was making the whole building shake by moving one arm, then another.)

- I present you the Magic Carpet  model 899, made using the latest technology, eco friendly of course, fueled by blood. 

- By what?!

- You know I like it organic, baby. All blood, your neighbor´s to be precise. 

- ... Bububut ...

- Come on, they chased you away anyway, besides, at last you can move comfortably, you don´t have to worry anymore about the building shaking. You know what I mean? You are free, Charles. So get on!

Slightly scared, but also slightly more relaxed, Charles sat himself on the Lethal Carpet. 

- Ready? (Asked the mosquito)

- I guess.

- Say bye bye to this prison.

- Bye bye, prison!

Then hey flew out off the window splashing blood behind behind them on the building, down on the people walking by, terrified by what appeared to be a blood rain.

- Don´t worry, it´s all organic! ( Screamed down the mosquito)

The two friends got lost like a red stain in the distance. I have the feeling that they lived happily ever after.

 

 

                                                                     - The End -  






sâmbătă, 18 decembrie 2021

Me and Satan on Full Moon


 

 

"...... Is anybody here? God? .... Grandma! ... Are you here? Can you hear me?

Grandma, do you remember when I was little and we were playing and singing at your house? Seems like so long ago ... almost as it never happened.  "

- Ouch! Goddammit! 

There I was daydreaming again. Third time this week. This time it caught me while I was pouring myself a cup of tea so hot water was spilling all over my hands and furniture.

- Fuck!

Ring! Ring!

- Hello!

- Hello, sweetie! So happy to hear you! Long time no see!

- Oh! Hi, Satan! What´s up?

- You know, I´ve been dreaming about you two times this week. I guess that must mean I miss you, right?

- What were you dreaming about?

- On Tuesday I dreamed that I was coming to your house, you opened the door for me and you were an old woman, but Milo was a baby. It was so weird. Then I entered your house, but it was like I was entering the void. I turned around to figure out what was going on and when I turned my head back at you you were a kid and I was asking you " Where is Milo?" and you said " Milo who?" and you were shrinking and shrinking and ...

- Ok, I got the idea. And the other one?

- Oh, we were just having sex. 

- Oh, I don´t know which one is better. 

- The second one, of course. Sex is better than most things. 

- I don´t know about that. 

- Yes, you do. Listen, how about a coffee? 

- Sure. Pick me up in 30?

- Righto! 

...............................................................................30 minutes later ..............................................................

Ding-Dong!

I opened the door and there he was with his large smile!

- Love! I´m so happy to see you! 

- Me too, sweetness! 

- Where shall we go?

- How about a walk in the Enchanted Forest? We buy some snacks and drinks and we hang out there with the trees and animals. 

- Great! Let´s go!

We stopped by the grocery store and got ourselves a big bag of M&M´s and two coffees to go.

- Oh Wow! This coffee is truly horrible. Who makes this shit?!

Said Satan  indignantly. Satan really appreciates a good coffee, you know. We used to take walks together in Italy just for the sake of a good coffee. This incident really spoiled a lot of Satan´s good mood for the day.

- You know what? I am not even going to drink this.

Said he while throwing it in the garbage bin.Then continued. 

- And you shouldn´t either. The fact that people compromise and drink this rubbish makes them keep selling it. 

- Ok, Satan. 

Said I while sipping my coffee. 

- Do you like it? 

- Not particularly. 

- Then why are you drinking it? 

- C´mon, dude, we just bought some coffee to go and some stupid M&M´s. Those are not going to be the best gourmet chocolate either. Cheap colored little thrills. Relax! 

- I never relax. 

- Too bad. 

Slowly we entered the Enchanted Forest through the Portal of Happiness. 

- So, said Satan, are you going to tell me why you didn´t say anything all this time?

- Dear, I didn´t really have anything TO say. Everything was so confusing and this Universe has this habit to contradict me each time I affirm something that I got almost afraid of saying anything at all. I managed to abstain from all vices which is nice. I created others though, but those ones at least are rewarding. I can´t relax either, you know? Sometimes this can be quite a bummer. Only in my dreams I am relaxed. That´s why I am daydreaming more and more lately. I am slightly on the edge I guess.

- What are you dreaming about?

- Been dreaming a lot about my grandparents lately and since I am abstaining from any kind of sexual activity I´ve dreaming about my exes a lot. Particularly one.

- A good or a bad ex?

- Bad, of course. 

- That sucks!

- I know!

- Why are you abstaining from sex?

- Because I declared war to all demons (except you). Especially to Romance demons. They are the worst and most difficult to conquer. All the others were easy peasy, but these ones .... God, help me!

- Yeah, I can´t help you with that, is true. Hey! These peanut M&M´s are really yummy! I forgot how good they are. 

- Yeah, right? Each one is a little piece of happiness. 

- Indeed!  

- So, anyway, what have you been doing? 

- Well, same same as always. Taking the blame for everything. I´m getting pissed off. I am holding on the best that I can, but if they don´t give me a break I´ll give them something to complain about. That´s the problem when you are so powerful, responsibility constrains you to take everybody´s shit because one impulsive move ... even the tiniest, would mean a disaster. So there I am, taking all the punches, all the screams, blames, curses, everybody´s shit energy just because they can´t take it themselves. Such a terrible job.

- You sound a bit on the edge as well. 

- A bit? It´s only my pinky finger holding me to the edge, my dear. A nail, a thought. 

- M&M?

- Yes, thanks!

-  Are you cold?

- A bit. 

- Here, my coat is huge. We can share it. 

We sat down and snuggled into each other. 

- That´s so cozy. (Said Satan) Yum yum. 

- Look up. It is the last full moon of this year, love. And the longest.Shall we stay here and see it?

- Yes. 

- Until the end?

- Yes. 

- M&M?

- Yes. 

I love full moons. Always did. As I was looking at it with that huge smile on my face, I felt the cold wind cutting my face several times and then darkness, a float and a moment of silence. 

- God?! Grandma?! Are you here?

 

 

 

                                                             - The End-