Dialogues: Me and God On Car Racing And Freedom

 

This morning my whole body was aching for adventure. I didn´t quite know what to start with. I was pondering between car racing and sky diving. 

"Today is the day!" I thought to myself. "I will do it. Today I´ll fly. Sky diving it is". 

I tried to call, but got the number wrong ... several times. 

"What the ..."

I tried again and finally managed to talk to someone.

Sky Diving Center Person: I am sorry but we are fully booked for today. I can make you an appointment in about two weeks. Would that suit you?

Me: Pffff! Isn´t it possible to squeeze one tiny person before?

Sky Diving Center Person: No, I am sorry. Should I make the booking?

Me: Two weeks is a very long time. How can I book something two weeks from now? What if I die until then?

Sky Diving Center Person: Even though I hope that won´t be the case, I might say you´ll be doing plenty of sky diving then. 

Me: Go to hell, lady!

I hung up the phone and searched for a car racing center and got an appointment. Full of anticipation I got dressed and ran out the door.

(telephone) Ring! Ring!

It was God. I had a vague feeling on what that was about so I didn´t answer and went on my way, took a cab and hit for the center. 

Cab driver: So, where are you going, nice lady?

Me: Car racing. 

Cab driver: How interesting. Are you a good driver?

Me: Not really, but I´ll manage. 

Cab driver: It is not easy. There are many things to look out for. Especially on that speed. 

Me: Yeah! Yeah! I know. The acceleration, the breaks ... I´ll manage. 

Cab driver: Would you like me to give you a little tutorial before?

Me: No, thanks. I am an improviser. I´ll get the hang of it in no time.

Cab driver: You can die, you know? 

Me: Don´t we all, sir? ( Said I on THAT annoying tone)

Cab driver: Who is calling you so insistently? 

Me: Oh, just some guy that keeps bothering me precisely when I am about to have some fun. 

Cab driver: There we are, miss. It will be 25€. 

Me There you go. Thank you!

Cab driver: Enjoy!

I got out of the taxi and there He was, right at the entrance of the center. 

Me: Hey! Listen, I know what you are going to say, but I am really set on doing this now and I´ll be careful, I promise. 

God: Darling, how about we spend the day sitting on the grass, smelling the flowers, watching the birds and the bees?

Me: "Darling", I don´t want to sit on the grass. I want to do car racing. 

God: I really think you should reconsider the grass sitting option, my dear. Let´s relax!

Me: Ok, listen! We´ll do the whole grass sitting extravaganza after the race, ok? Now move away!

God to Himself: " Fuck free will."

I got in, paid (a lot) for my fun, choose a shinny red car, put on my helmet and went inside. 

Race Car Center Guy: Have you ever done this before?

Me: No. 

Race Car Center Guy: Do you have a drivers license? 

Me: No. 

Race Car Center Guy: Ok, then I should go with you. Do you know how to drive a car?

Me. Vaguely. 

Race Car Center Guy: I will definitely come with you then.

Me: Ok. 

He entered the car and sat on my right. 

Race Car Center Guy: Look, that pedal is the acceleration.

Me: Ah, good. 

Race Car Center Guy: And this ... Hey!

He tried to explain some more, but it was too late because I pressed the pedal and banged the car straight in the wall in front of us in less than 3 seconds. 

My head was bumpy, I could barely feel my legs, belly and chest. I looked at the Race Car Center Guy that had a red-blue-ish eye. 

Race Car Center Guy: Are you fuckin´crazy, lady? What do you think you are doing? I hope you have insurance. This car is really expensive. 

Me: Actually I don´t. 

Race Center Guy: How can you go around without an insurance? And more ... come here?! 

Me: You see, I´m hardcore and against the system so I couldn´t possibly have things like that on me. I have principles. 

Race Center Guy: Can you move? Let´s go to the office and I´ll let you know how much those principles of yours will cost you.  

Me: God! God! Are you here? God? I am in big trouble! Please come! God! GOD!

Race Center Guy was outside estimating the damage on the car which was about ....

Me: WHAT?! But I will never have this amount of money! 

Race Center Guy: Lady, what were you doing here without an insurance and drivers license? 

Me: Looking for an adventure. ( Said I crying, but the salty tears were making the wounds on my face hurt even more. )

Race Center Guy: Well, there you have it. You have one month to pay it. Good luck! Now, please, leave the center. 

Full of blood and with no money, I limped all the way home and, as I entered my apartment, there He was relaxing on the sofa. 

God: Hey, beautiful! Is everything ok? You look a bit off. 

Me: You! You! It´s all your fault! You always do this to me! You never let me have it! Fuck You! Fuck You! Fuck You! Go away! At least leave me alone! 

God: Does the grass sitting idea seem more appealing to you now? Come! Let´s go!

Me: (blowing my nose) With the Divine Transportation?

God: Sure! Why not?

Warm shinny light fell over us and we rode waves of happiness and bliss all the way to a most beautiful meadow by the lake. I looked at all the beauty around and burst into tears. God kissed my forehead. 

God: Come on, little girl. It´s all good. 

Me: ( Screaming ) WHY? WHY? What´s the point of all this? Sometimes it all feels like a bad joke. 

God: What is it that you want, little girl?

Me: Freedom, God, that´s what I want! Freedom!

God: Oh, realy? Is that really what you want? That is what I am giving you, my dear, you just can´t see further than the tip of your nose. That´s not My fault.How can you ever dream of freedom when you are all bound by physicality, matter, hormones, emotions, moods. What freedom are you talking about? 

Me: Then why did You give them to me? Why put me in this body and give me all these desires, all these urges?! What´s the catch? Let me guess:" in order to overcome them."

God: How else can it be a true temptation and a true overcoming, my love?

Me: That´s just cruel. And you stole that line from Jung. 

God: I don´t even know why I bother, but you are not talking about freedom, my love. I am offering you precisely what (you say) you want: freedom, but you are actually telling me that you want to be a slave to your senses, that is the opposite of freedom. See the irony? Look around you. I bust My ass to give you the most beautiful life, all this splendor. Look at that orange flower, look at that frog, feel the wind on your face. Do you feel it? Do you hear it´s song in your ears? Is it My fault that you block everything for your morning moods? Don’t you see you’re stupid?! Freedom is not what you think, neither the truth that you take so much pride in seeking, neither consciousness. This is serious stuff, baby. 

Me: (looking at my toes) Well, if you put it like that … Shit! How am I going to get the money for the Race Car Center?!

God: Here, take a puff of this joint, have a sip of this wine! We’ll figure it out, honey love! 

As we sat down in the grass, I held His hand I felt to the bone the fact that I will probably experience true freedom only in death and I stopped being afraid. His love felt overwhelming.

God: Bare with it. Just hold it in. (He said and so I did)

 

                                                                        - The End-