Me and God

 

God: Ada? ... Ada!

Ada: Who is there? Satan? Is that you?

God: No, it´s Me.

Ada: Me who?

God: God.

Ada: Oh, shit! Really? 

God: Really.

Ada: Have I done something wrong? Am I dying?

God: Everybody is constantly doing something wrong and no, you are not dying (yet). Just wanted to hang out. 

Ada: Oh! ... Sure! Ok. So ... what´s up?

God: Do you have something to drink?

Ada: Just some lousy vodka. Should we have some shots? 

God: What the hell, bring it on!

Ada: Righto!

( Full of delight I went in the kitchen and brought two small  shot glasses and a bottle of shitty vodka. There is a special kind of happiness surrounding me when I serve shots. I poured one for me and one for God. )

Ada: Do you know how to drink it?

( God lifted His right eyebrow and looked at me with great disappointment. Then He lifted up the glass and said ... )

God: Here´s to us! Bottoms up!

Ada: To us! Love forever!

(We emptied the glasses and spited fire.)

God: What about some music? 

Ada: Sure!

 

God: Aaaah. Sweet music to my ears. Hits the spot, missy. 

Ada: Happy to help, my Lord! One more shot?

God: Let´s go!

(Cheers! Fire spitting)

Ada: So, will You tell me what do I owe this visit to?

God: This  is going to sound weird, but ... in the middle of all this great creation I feel ... alone ... like nobody understands me, you know.

Ada: Oh, do I?!

( Said I while preparing a third round of shots )

Ada: Here´s to you, God! 

( Cheers! Fire spitting.)

God: Like everybody is projecting into me. Their own fears and stupid ideas. It gets frustrating because ... I am right there. Inside, in front, all you have to do is look. When I made people I really thought I am going to have some fun. I thought is going to be epic and it is pretty nice, I am not complaining, but I thought it would be way more. All that free will crap is just .... a bummer and a continuous source of frustration . Shit! Now I am projecting. Why are you looking at me like that?

Ada: Nothing. It´s just that I had a very similar conversation with Satan not so long ago. He was complaining about the same thing.

God: As above so below, baby! Are you preparing those shots or what?

Ada: Wow, you are on a row! Are you sure?

God: Yes, today I am upset. I want to surrender. 

Ada: To vodka?

God: To the Creation, my darling. To whatever is. All or nothing!

Ada: You are the Master. I shall fulfill your command. 

( Cheers! Spitting fire.)

God: How about going around causing some trouble?

Ada: Oh, sure! Where shall we go?

God: We flip a coin: heads- we crash a wedding, tails- a funeral. 

(He flipped a coin- It was heads.)

God: And it is a wedding, ladies and gentlemen. 

Ada: I am quite happy. Had enough of funeral stories. 

God: Ready for Divine Transportation? 

Ada: I guess. 

God: Is there any more vodka?

Ada: For 2 more shots precisely. We finish it off?

God: All the way!

( Cheers! Spitting fire!)

God: Perfection! Hang in there, beauty! We´ll be taking off in a moment. 

(Divine light opened and fell on us and we rode waves of pure happiness and bliss for an undetermined amount of time. We landed dazzled in a warm and green place. )

Ada: Where are we? 

God: I don´t really know. Looks like Argentina, though. 

( He checked His GPS and confirmed.)

God: Yes, it is Argentina and our wedding is right there.Let´s go!

Ada: But wait! What are we going to do?

God: Improvise.

Ada: I have a bad feeling about this.

We entered and joined the party. Obviously, it was only a matter of short time before we drew everyone´s attention. An older man came to interrupt our chaotic silly dance and asked:

Old Man: Perdon! Quien son usted? Sois invitados? 

Ada: No comprendo! English? English?

Old Man (in a broken English): Who ... Are ... You?

God: I am God Himself and this is my friend. We came here to sanctify these two youngsters union. 

Old Man: What? Who?

God: God. G ... O ... D! Dios! In person. I want to congratulate and sanctify all the people at this wedding. Look. Check this out. What are you drinking? 

Old Man: Vino... Wine. 

God: Cool. Check out your glass now.

(The old man looked at his glass and instead of his wine there was ...)

Old  Man: Agua! Es el diablo!

God: That´s not agua, amigo. Have taste. 

Old Man: Es vodka! Get out of here, you evil spirit!

God: If you are not going to drink that, I can finish it off for you. 

(Friends of the groom gathered around us with angry looks on their faces chasing us out with crucifixes and christian hand gestures.)

God: Wait! Wait! Un poco. Can we talk this through, please?

Everybody: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Get out of this sacred place! 

God: I Am The Father, The Son AND The Holy Spirit, you morons! 

Everybody: Blasphemy! Out! 

(They pushed and kicked us out, spited on us as a final humiliation and went back to their celebration.)

Ada: Well, well, well. You did it this time! I knew you overdid the vodka thing. I really hate spit. Jesus Christ!

God: Hey! Don’t scream at me. I just told the truth. 

Ada: Yeah, sure! Innocent you! Fuck this. Can we please go now? 

God: Yes. But one more little thing before. Time for some Divine punishment. May all the women, wives and lovers present at this party get their menstruation right … now! Stain all their fancy dresses of blood and  none of the men present at this wedding get any sex tonight! “And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!” Amen! 

Divine transportation! 

(My stupefaction got interrupted by the waves of happiness and bliss that we rode all the way to the gas station where we stopped to get a bottle of vodka. And then we arrived on the beach. The night was starry and warm.)

God: Come on, beauty. Let’s have one of those shots of yours and go clean up in the sea! Sea water cleans everything. 

Ada: You really have a way of doing things, haven’t You? 

(Said I smiling with admiration and love while I was pouring the shots.)

Ada: Here’s to you, My Lord! You don’t always give me what I want, but You always give a hell of a ride. Love forever!

God: To your beauty, darling! 

Ada: So charming always!  

(Cheers! Spitting fire) 

And all was quiet, warm and pure. 

 

                                                                    -The End- 

 

Funeralienation- Part III- What Are Friends For?

 

(Part I- here  

Part II- here )

- Let´s hear some music, no? ( Said Simona ) 

 

- Oh, good idea. I didn´t know what was missing. (Retorted Valentina) Do you think he is going to be alright? 

- I couldn´t care less. I had a bad feeling about this journey from the beginning, but ... we just had this crazy situation because of this  funeral and stuff. He picked up a bad day to piss me off. I am still coming to terms with George´s death myself

- What were you? Also cousins, or what?

- He was my paternal grandfather´s only daughter-in-law´s brother.

. Mhm. 

- We were quite close, you know. Maybe the closest from all family members. I am still not convinced about the cause of his death ... I mean what does "Eaten by beasts of the forest" even mean? 

- Actually, it has been a lot on the news lately. The beasts of the forest seem to have gone bananas. More and more people are getting hurt or even eaten by them. Such as your paternal grandfather ....only daughter  ... George´s case. 

- I really appreciate you coming with me. I couldn´t have handled this by myself. 

- Oh, please. What are friends for? (Said Valentina with a smile.)

- Oh, crap! We have to cross the Enchanted Forest. We must leave the car here and walk. Shit!

- Do we have enough time?

- Yes if we hurry. Come on. Let´s go!

 

 

 

- I am not used to this quietness. It kinda creeps me out. (Whispered Valentina)

- Don´t worry. I used to come here all the time. It is quite a friendly place when you get to know it. 

- Maybe, but still ...

(A peculiar noise was coming from the bushes on the right, but in such silence all noises become peculiar.)

- Wow! I must admit that the sunlight hits wonderfully through the branches. (Said Valentina). Do you see?  .... Simona? (She turned around to her friend, but all she saw was Simona with a rock in her fist) 

After hitting Valentina with rock in her head several times, Simona checked Valentina´s pulse (or lack of it) in order to make sure that she was dead. 

"Nice and quick" Thought Simona to herself.

- I am sorry it had to be you, dear. So sorry. 

Said Simona while carrying the dead body along the forest. 

"What time is it? pfffff ... 7 more minutes. Come on! One last push. There´s the border"

At the border there were a bear and a fox. 

- Hello, Miss. Your name? (Said the bear)

- Simona Mandake. 

- Your id please. (Said the fox)

Simona handed over the id and the two animals checked it. 

- Human sacrifice?

- Yes, there it is.  

- Good to go. (Said the bear) . Good day.

- Thank you. Goodbye! (Said Simona with a sigh of relief and crossed the border free of any extra burdens)

"Time: 3 more minutes till the funeral and I can see it from here. I can finally relax". 

Calmly and steadily, she arrived at the funeral. Among others, she saw Mircea all torn up. 

- What happened to you? You look like shit. 

- Oh, you didn´t seem to care so much when you dumped me by the side of the road. I am lucky to even be here, you know. Where is Valentina anyway? 

- May we have a moment of silence, please? ( Said the tall elegant priest) And let´s pray together for the soul of George.  ........ May God put at rest the soul of George in place where there is no pain, nor suffering, nor sobbing ... In the name of the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit ... Amen!"

- Amen! (Said Mircea crying gently.)

- So, I guess this is it. What are your plans? Shall we go back together or what? 

- I guess so. Just don´t leave me alone by the road again. 

- Just don´t be annoying about the temperature anymore. 

- I can´t help myself. I am sensitive. 

- Whatever. I guess we are not in a hurry anymore. We´ll have to cross the Enchanted Forest by foot, I left my car on the other side. 

- Oh, no problem. After all I´ve been through today ... a short relaxing walk sounds like a really great idea.

- Perfect. Let´s go. ... 

- I must admit I was quite touched by the ceremony. The priest had an impressive voice. 

- Yeah. Tell me what happened after we separated. 

- Oh, you won´t believe it,  At first I thought of hitchhiking, but nobody would stop ... just the opposite. ...

As they were walking through the Enchanted Forest, Mircea told Simona all the story about the meeting with the Pegassus, the soul offering, the flight while Simona was just nodding her head saying "Mhm"

- ... But up there was so cold and windy and you know I am temperature sensitive, right? ( Said Mircea while turning to Simona and taking her by surprise with a rock in his fist)

- Screwing me up once is quite enough for today, don´t you think so, cous`?  ( Said Mircea while smashing her head). You think you are so smart, don´t you, bitch? That you are the only one who knows you need a human sacrifice to cross the border, huh?  We are family, love. I know a thing or two about the Enchanted Forest. You picked on the wrong motherfucker!

At the border there were a stag and a wolf. 

- Hello. (Said the stag)

- Hello.

- Name?

- Mircea Farkash. 

- Id?

- There you go. 

- Human sacrifice. 

- There you have it. 

- Good to go. Good day, sir!

- Thank you. Likewise.

Relieved,  Mircea crossed the border taking a deep breath and a close look to find Simona´s car. Luckily it was right in front of the forest. He smiled and walked calmly towards it. Opened the dor, steped in and turned on the engine. 

 

" Man, it was a long day. I don´t know what I need more a yoga flow or a whiskey. Maybe i should flip a coin: heads yoga, tails bar." He flipped: It was tails. 

" Perfect! A brothel it is."

 and off he went. 

 

 

                                                                                - The End -

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Funeralienation - Part II - Mircea

 

( For part I click here )

 

"Those bitches! I´ll cut them in half when I´ll see them. Bbbbrrrrr .... I´m freezing. Oh, here comes a truck. Please, God, please!"

Prayed Mircea while trying to stop the truck. But it passed right by him with the driver showing him the middle finger.

- Fuck you too!! (Screamed Mircea)

Suddenly the truck stopped. The driver got down furiously and grabbed Mircea by the collar saying;

- Say, what,
motherfucker? C´mon, say it again!

- What?

- Were you screaming at me back there? Were you? What were you saying?

- Nothing, nothing.

- Oh, nothing, huh? I thought I heard "Fuck you!". Am I having trouble hearing? 

- No. 

- Then what? 

- I am sorry. Please forgive me. I was upset.

- Well, let me show you just how upset I am: 

With two punches in the face and a kick in the stomach, Mircea fell almost unconscious. 

- There you go! Serves you right, asshole! 

The driver went back into his truck and left while our poor Mircea was left by the side of the road, barely breathing. 

"The funeral ... I must get to the funeral ..."

- Heeeeeeelp! ... Heeeeeelp! Gosh, it´s hopeless. 

Mircea looked to the left and saw a ... 

- Wha wha whaat?! Is this a ....

- Yes!

- Oh! He talks! I´m either dreaming or crazy. 

- Why are you so surprised? Weren´t you just screaming for help?

- Yes, but ... I wasn´t expecting a ... 

- Pegasus. 

 

- Right. 

- This is our district so whatever happens we know it all. 

- Oh, thank goodness. So can you help me?  I am in a big rush.

- Yes, I know. You need to get to your cousin´s funeral. Yes, I will take you there. 

- Oh, great! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

- On one condition. 

- Sure. I´ll do anything, bro!

- In exchange for that, I will devour your soul. 

- Oh my ... Pricey, pricey, no? Isn´t that a bit too much for a twenty minutes ride? 

- You are free to make it on your own if you wish. 

- Oook, ok, you may devour my soul afterwards. ( Agreed Mircea checking the time ) Now let´s hurry up, please.

- Hop on, Mircey!

- Oh, this is so exciting, I never thought I will have the chance to ride a Pegasus in this lifetime. Yuuuuhuuuuu!

The Pegasus  took off moving higher and higher towards the clouds. It was all like dream. 

"This is so awesome. Totally worth every piece of soul devouring! 

Thought Mircea, but not long after take off he started feeling a bit chilly. The sensation was cool, but now the wind was cutting his face and was very uncomfortable. 

- Mr. Pegassus! Mr. Pegassus! Yelled Mircea

- What?

- I am cold. Do you think we can stop for 2 minutes to recompose myself?

- Are you crazy? We just took off. 

- I know, but I am very temperature sensitive, you know. 

- Hang in there. We are not far. 

- Yes, I understand, but I am really freezing cold. Can we please stop?

- No. 

- .... Please!

- I´ll drop you off if I hear your voice one more time. 

Mircea tried. He really did. He tried as much as he could: breath of fire, squishing his teeth, he tried thinking of a warm sunny beach, but ...

- It is just that ... I can´t take it ...

With a hard and ferm kick, the Pegassus pushed Mircea down from his back saying with disgust: 

- Sayonara, you imbecile!

Mircea fell on squishy grass. He hit himself but not as hard as he would´ve thought so he was actually quite releved, but when he turned his eyes up to look for the Pegassus he got covered by a big pile of shit falling from the sky.

- Damn you! I hope you rot in hell forever and ever and ever and ever!!!

"10 more minutes until the funeral. Come on, I can´t be that far. " 

                                                         - To Be Continued here

Monologue Tourette- Dupa Blocuri

Mai imi vine cate un spasm. 

Funeralientaion - Part 1: Majority Decides

 

I always loved long drives. It feels like time is standing still. There is nothing to do, nowhere to go. You fall asleep in one place, wake up in another. Kinda like floating. 

- Why am I so hot? (Asked  Mircea)

- You are overdressed. Take off some of those layers of clothes! ( Answered Valentina)

- It wouldn´t make any difference. Uuuufff ... I am all sweaty. 

- You are an idiot. ( Replied Valentina while solving a Sudoku)

- Can we stop for a moment? I need some fresh air. ( Insisted Mircea)

- Just open the window, man. We´re not going to stop for that. Take off your freakin´jacket! 

- Stop ordering me around! You are not my mother. I said I am hot. 

 "Continuing from this point would be nothing but a waste of words." (Concluded Valentina while looking out the window.)

- Pfffffff, can we please stop? I can´t take it anymore.

"I wonder ... Isn´t suicide something that we´ve all thought about at least once in a lifetime?" (Thought Simona while driving.)

"Everybody seems to be so repelled by this concept, but I always thought one can´t be an intelligent person without pondering the idea of suicide at least once. After all, It is an option which can´t be overlooked. One that gives you some kind of control over the unpredictability of death."

- Does anybody hear me? I am boiling hot! Can we please stop?! ( Said Mircea all clothed in his wool jacket. )

" In the end ... isn´t unpredictability the scariest thing about death? Any denial of the viability of this option is either hypocritical or dumb."

- Simona! ( Screamed Mircea from the bottom of his lungs.) Stop the car right now!

- Wha What?! Why?

- How many times do I have to say?! I AM HOT AND I NEED SOME FRESH AIR!!

- Why don´t you take off that woolen jacket, dude?

- Why is everyone busting my balls with this? I don´t want to take off my jacket. It´s comfortable. I want to stay cozy and have some fresh air. Is that a crime?

- Mircea, have you ever thought about suicide? ( Asked Simona)

- Now where did that came from? No. 

- No? Really? Not even once? ( Simona continued)

- No!

- What about you, Valentina.

- Not since I was a teenager. Why? 

- Just wondering. 

- Do you want to kill yourself or what? ( Asked Mircea showing off his concern.)

- No. I am just wondering if people think about it. 

- See? Now I am worried. Are you ok?

- Why does everybody get instantly outraged when it comes to this subject? Why do I have to be "not ok" for something like this to cross my mind. I don´t have to be pregnant to wonder about abortion or anything. 

- Yeah, but, you know ...

- Yeah, I know! It just needs to be asked. It´s standard procedure. 

- I guess. Now can we stop for 5 minutes? 

Valentina took her eyes of her Sudoku and asked calmly:

- What about murder? Had anyone ever thought about murder? I know I am thinking about it for the last 10 minutes.  If you keep buzzing me, I´ll land my fist straight in your face. Take off your freakin´jacket!!

- Simona, please stop the car. I am boiling and can´t breathe. 

Valentina turned to Simona and said calmly:

- Please pull over. Mircea needs to get out right now. 

Simona pulled over and Mircea got out immediately. 

- Finally! Oh my God! (Said Mircea getting out of the car and breathing deeply)

As soon as he was out, the girls stepped on the acceleration and left without hesitation. 

- Hey! Heeeeeey! Where are you going? Heeeeey! 

Screamed Mircea, but had nobody to scream at. He was all alone by the side of the road. 

- Shit!! I´ll show you where my fist is going to land! Damn you, witches!!! 

(Mircea checked the time)

"45 minutes until my cousin´s funeral. What the fuck am I going to do?"

 

What the fuck is Mircea going to do?

 

                                                        - To Be Continued  here - 

Charles and Carlos

 

 Once upon a time there was a hippopotamus. His name was Charles and he lived in a building block in a suburb of Mijik City. 

Charles was depressed and  fed up with neighbors complaining all the time. He could barely walk in his own flat because the whole building was shaking and everybody (except him) got terrified. So he was basically stuck in his apartment. 

Ding Dong!

- Mr. Charles! There´s post for you. 

- It´s open. (Said Charles). Come on in. 

The postman entered and, slightly distressed, handed Charles his letter.

- God day, sir. (Said the postman. Then he turned around and left)

Charles looked at the envelope where it was written with big letters: EVACUATION NOTICE!

He had an intuition about who and why is getting evacuated, but read the letter anyway. 

"The neighbors committee of Blooming Flower Street number 115B unanimously votes for the evacuation of Mr. Charles Smith a.k.a. Mr. Hippo for reasons of safety. Therefore Mr. Smith must leave his apartment before 30th Nov. 2089. In case of refusal, radical measures will be taken. 

Signed respectfully,

All Neighbors."

- 30th of November? But that´s a week from now. What am I going to do? 

He wished he would have a clearer mind, but a mosquito kept bothering him each time he got a slight idea so he ended up slapping  his ear several times instead. 

- Let me read the letter! Let me read the letter! (A mysterious voice said)

- Hey! Who said that? 

- What are you doing?

- Who is there?

- What is the letter about?

- Who is talking? Come out?

- Why the panic? It´s me. 

- Me who?

- Me, Carlos. 

- Carlos?

- Yes, Carlos.

- Carlos who? 

- Carlos Mosq. 

Charles slapped his ear one more time and then looked closely. Yes, it was the mosquito talking indeed. 

- What do you want? Go away and leave me alone!

- Let me read that letter, would you?

- No. 

- Yes!

- Here. 

Carlos buzzed annoyingly while he was reading the letter. 

- Wow! That´s fucked up, man! Said Carlos. But, on the other hand, you were like a prisoner here anyway. Maybe it is a chance to be free.  

- I don´t understand, I barely moved in years and they are still kicking me out. That´s not fair! I feel so stupid. 

Carlos looked at Charles with deep sympathy and asked:

- Excuse me, I know maybe it is not the right time, but ... what were you doing here anyway? How in the world did you think you will fit in? 

- I always wished to be a human. Humans are so cool. They seem to have everything figured out, like ... they have two right hands. They always seem to know what they are doing. They sing, they talk interesting things, they dance, they dress up in the most spectacular manners. I just wanted to be like them or ... at least among them. I thought that if I keep myself quiet enough, still enough they won´t notice the difference.

- You were hoping they won´t notice a hippo in the building? Really?

- Yes, that´s what I thought. I told you, I am not smart like they are. I guess I miscalculated.  What shall I do now? I don´t know where to go, not even how to get out. I´ve been stuck in this flat for years. What will I do?!

- Don´t despair, my friend. Maybe I can help. 

- How ever will you help me get out of here? You are just a mosquito. 

- Yes, but I am smart. Quite an engineer myself.

- Yeah right. 

- Just wait and see. We´ll get you out in no time. Can I use this carpet?

- Sure!

- Purrrfect! I´ll be right back. 

Carlos went out and came back, taking little trips all night. He was going out and coming back to do something weird with the carpet. 

- What are you doing? ( Asked Charles the Hippo)  

- I am preparing our vehicle. I am almost done. 

- I don´t understand a thing. 

- You will in a moment. 

Carlos Mosq went back and forth a few more times then stopped at the carpet and made the final adjustments and said:

- Ready when you are, my friend. Anything you would like to take along with you?

- My toaster

- Coming up. 

Carlos brought Charles the toaster and said:

- There you go, now let´s get you on that carpet. 

- How are we going to travel on that? (Asked Charles while he was making the whole building shake by moving one arm, then another.)

- I present you the Magic Carpet  model 899, made using the latest technology, eco friendly of course, fueled by blood. 

- By what?!

- You know I like it organic, baby. All blood, your neighbor´s to be precise. 

- ... Bububut ...

- Come on, they chased you away anyway, besides, at last you can move comfortably, you don´t have to worry anymore about the building shaking. You know what I mean? You are free, Charles. So get on!

Slightly scared, but also slightly more relaxed, Charles sat himself on the Lethal Carpet. 

- Ready? (Asked the mosquito)

- I guess.

- Say bye bye to this prison.

- Bye bye, prison!

Then hey flew out off the window splashing blood behind behind them on the building, down on the people walking by, terrified by what appeared to be a blood rain.

- Don´t worry, it´s all organic! ( Screamed down the mosquito)

The two friends got lost like a red stain in the distance. I have the feeling that they lived happily ever after.

 

 

                                                                     - The End -  

Me and Satan on Full Moon

 

 

"...... Is anybody here? God? .... Grandma! ... Are you here? Can you hear me?

Grandma, do you remember when I was little and we were playing and singing at your house? Seems like so long ago ... almost as it never happened.  "

- Ouch! Goddammit! 

There I was daydreaming again. Third time this week. This time it caught me while I was pouring myself a cup of tea so hot water was spilling all over my hands and furniture.

- Fuck!

Ring! Ring!

- Hello!

- Hello, sweetie! So happy to hear you! Long time no see!

- Oh! Hi, Satan! What´s up?

- You know, I´ve been dreaming about you two times this week. I guess that must mean I miss you, right?

- What were you dreaming about?

- On Tuesday I dreamed that I was coming to your house, you opened the door for me and you were an old woman, but Milo was a baby. It was so weird. Then I entered your house, but it was like I was entering the void. I turned around to figure out what was going on and when I turned my head back at you you were a kid and I was asking you " Where is Milo?" and you said " Milo who?" and you were shrinking and shrinking and ...

- Ok, I got the idea. And the other one?

- Oh, we were just having sex. 

- Oh, I don´t know which one is better. 

- The second one, of course. Sex is better than most things. 

- I don´t know about that. 

- Yes, you do. Listen, how about a coffee? 

- Sure. Pick me up in 30?

- Righto! 

...............................................................................30 minutes later ..............................................................

Ding-Dong!

I opened the door and there he was with his large smile!

- Love! I´m so happy to see you! 

- Me too, sweetness! 

- Where shall we go?

- How about a walk in the Enchanted Forest? We buy some snacks and drinks and we hang out there with the trees and animals. 

- Great! Let´s go!

We stopped by the grocery store and got ourselves a big bag of M&M´s and two coffees to go.

- Oh Wow! This coffee is truly horrible. Who makes this shit?!

Said Satan  indignantly. Satan really appreciates a good coffee, you know. We used to take walks together in Italy just for the sake of a good coffee. This incident really spoiled a lot of Satan´s good mood for the day.

- You know what? I am not even going to drink this.

Said he while throwing it in the garbage bin.Then continued. 

- And you shouldn´t either. The fact that people compromise and drink this rubbish makes them keep selling it. 

- Ok, Satan. 

Said I while sipping my coffee. 

- Do you like it? 

- Not particularly. 

- Then why are you drinking it? 

- C´mon, dude, we just bought some coffee to go and some stupid M&M´s. Those are not going to be the best gourmet chocolate either. Cheap colored little thrills. Relax! 

- I never relax. 

- Too bad. 

Slowly we entered the Enchanted Forest through the Portal of Happiness. 

- So, said Satan, are you going to tell me why you didn´t say anything all this time?

- Dear, I didn´t really have anything TO say. Everything was so confusing and this Universe has this habit to contradict me each time I affirm something that I got almost afraid of saying anything at all. I managed to abstain from all vices which is nice. I created others though, but those ones at least are rewarding. I can´t relax either, you know? Sometimes this can be quite a bummer. Only in my dreams I am relaxed. That´s why I am daydreaming more and more lately. I am slightly on the edge I guess.

- What are you dreaming about?

- Been dreaming a lot about my grandparents lately and since I am abstaining from any kind of sexual activity I´ve dreaming about my exes a lot. Particularly one.

- A good or a bad ex?

- Bad, of course. 

- That sucks!

- I know!

- Why are you abstaining from sex?

- Because I declared war to all demons (except you). Especially to Romance demons. They are the worst and most difficult to conquer. All the others were easy peasy, but these ones .... God, help me!

- Yeah, I can´t help you with that, is true. Hey! These peanut M&M´s are really yummy! I forgot how good they are. 

- Yeah, right? Each one is a little piece of happiness. 

- Indeed!  

- So, anyway, what have you been doing? 

- Well, same same as always. Taking the blame for everything. I´m getting pissed off. I am holding on the best that I can, but if they don´t give me a break I´ll give them something to complain about. That´s the problem when you are so powerful, responsibility constrains you to take everybody´s shit because one impulsive move ... even the tiniest, would mean a disaster. So there I am, taking all the punches, all the screams, blames, curses, everybody´s shit energy just because they can´t take it themselves. Such a terrible job.

- You sound a bit on the edge as well. 

- A bit? It´s only my pinky finger holding me to the edge, my dear. A nail, a thought. 

- M&M?

- Yes, thanks!

-  Are you cold?

- A bit. 

- Here, my coat is huge. We can share it. 

We sat down and snuggled into each other. 

- That´s so cozy. (Said Satan) Yum yum. 

- Look up. It is the last full moon of this year, love. And the longest.Shall we stay here and see it?

- Yes. 

- Until the end?

- Yes. 

- M&M?

- Yes. 

I love full moons. Always did. As I was looking at it with that huge smile on my face, I felt the cold wind cutting my face several times and then darkness, a float and a moment of silence. 

- God?! Grandma?! Are you here?

 

 

 

                                                             - The End-