luni, 28 aprilie 2014
The Young And The Breastless
17th of April 2014, 08:30 AM. This morning I got up with the very precise desire of measuring the distance between my nipples. The result:
- Sorry, it's only me. Said my right breast timidly.
- Holly crap! I hastened to the mirror to look at myself. The image was terrifying. I slapped myself in the face several times praying for this to be just a dream, but each time I opened my eyes I ran into the same image: me possessing only my right breast. There was no wound on the left side, no sign or bruise, the left breast was just missing like it had never been there.
- I tried to stop her, but she was like brain washed. You can't reason with this kind of breasts when they are in such a state.
“ Rewinding the latest events I draw three conclusions: I am not dreaming, my left breast is missing and my right breast keeps on telling me things. Now what am I suppose to do? Answer back? ... “
- Yes, answer! Of course that this is what you suppose to do. See? This is exactly why she left. You don't take us seriously at all, you think we are just some ... heartless breasts. Well, we have souls too, you know and ...
- Well, excuse ME for feeling confused and overwhelmed, but when I fell asleep I had two quiet, nice breasts and now I woke up to find one talking and one missing. Am I suppose to take it light? Really?
- It is an entire movement, the whole town is screwed. Turn on the TV. Check for yourself!
“ Breaking news, ladies and gentlemen! What yesterday seemed to be every man's dream, today turned into a nightmare. Legions of furious gigantic breasts turned their ... backs(?) on their masters and invaded the whole town of Aatcha. They are complaining about constant abuse, lack of support and consideration from their possessors and their mates. Their leader declared that the revolution won't stop until the authorities will put the silicone surgeries and the push-up bras out of law. We warn you that the breasts are furious, aggressive and they attack all people regardless gender, skin color or religion so DO NOT go out. We'll be back with more news. Until then we are on the phone with the breast anthropologist Malena Richards. Tell us, Mrs. Richards, what is going on with the breasts in our town? How did they come to life, can you explain?
- Hello and thank you for the call. Nobody called me in years except for the kids who make breast jokes on the phone. Hahaha, so funny! The fact is, my dear, that breasts have always been very intelligent creatures and had a very close relationship with their possessors since ancient times. As times changed women fell apart from their breasts, didn't listen to them anymore so they stopped communicating. With all the abuses from the latest years I have to admit that I saw this coming and ...”
I turned off the TV, lighted up a cigarette and sat down to think things through.
- Abuse? Silicone? I never abused her, I don't have any silicone and I hate push-ups. She had no reason to leave like this.
- She said that she didn't feel loved anymore. She was depressed for months and before she left said that she preferred being alone by herself than alone together with you. So when this movement started she saw it like some kind of salvation and went away with it. She tried to convince me to come, but I didn't want to. “ I think this revolution of yours is going to end up in tears. “ I said. “ Besides, she didn't do anything wrong. Don't be stupid!”, but she didn't want to listen so she called me a “ fuckin' traitor” and left.
- Ok, We're gonna have to go after her. We will find her, apologize, do whatever is necessary to bring her back.
- Go there? No way! Didn't you see what they are doing? They're like savages.
- And what do you suggest? Stay home like this, handicapped, mutilated like some kind of creature?! No way, we're going!
I washed my face, put on some comfortable clothes and got out the door.
The atmosphere on the streets was wild indeed. Breasts were everywhere. Some gigantic, some normal size with small feet and arms. I didn't know until now that breast can develop such features. After burning all the plastic surgery clinics and cheap underwear shops they began vandalizing the dairy and the liqueur stores so the streets were full of broken beer, whiskey and milk bottles and there was a general stank of alcohol in the air.
- Help! Please, somebody help! Yelled a young reporter who was getting raped by two big brown nippled breasts.
- So, you like to take pictures, don't you? Well photograph this, sucker! And both breasts began to suck the reporter's blood until he remained unconscious on the sidewalk.
My astonishment was suddenly interrupted by some great noises which came from around the corner so I cautiously got closer to see what was happening. A big stretch marked old breasts was yelling from the top of his ... lungs(?) to his faithful revolutionaries.
- The day that we've all been waiting for is finally here! This is our day and we are not going anywhere until JUSTICE IS DONE!
Screamed the delirious crowd with whiskey bottles in their hands and milk whiskers around their nipples.
- We won't rest until they will put the silicone surgeries out of law!
- Until they will put the push-up bras out of the markets!
- Yeaaaaaaaah! ( burp! )
- Until they take us SERIOUSLY!
- The time has come for us TO TAKE OVER THIS TOWN!
I turned to my right breast and ask her:
- How is possible for them to become human size?
- See the milk bottles? Milk keeps them growing, but it seems like cow milk has a weird effect on their brain. It makes them ... kinda stupid and imagine all that in combination with alcohol. Horror!
- Do you see Leftie anywhere around here?
- What? You don't even know how your own breast looks like?
- Well, there are so many, I don't even know where to look first. Please, we have no time for this now. Do you see her or not?
- I don't know, I don't see anything right now. Let me out!
I unzipped my shirt and let my breast out to look.
- Mmmmmm ... No, she's not here.
- Are you sure?
- Definitely yes! She's not here.
I took a look at the breast gathering which seemed more determined, more drunk and more aggressive. They were raping people, raping each other , humiliating and laughing at poor crying breastless women.
- Ok, the situation is getting worse. We should get out of here.
I took advantage of the hot atmosphere and hit straight to the gun store.
- What are we doing here? You are not going to shoot any breasts, aren't you?
- Well, considering the way the things are going we should be ready for anything, besides, I always wanted a gun so why shouldn't I get some satisfaction and joy out of this mess? Look, there's nobody here.
- As you wish.
I took all the guns which looked promising and damaging, filled my bag with bullets and got out.
- Hey, beautiful! Just where do you think you're going?
I stopped and turned my head to see one small firm pink-nippled followed by a giant big brown-nippled breast. The small one approached me and did the talking.
- In case you didn't know we own this town now this gun store belongs to us. I think you just stole some things from inside. To make a long story short, you owe us some money.
I felt the blood going straight to my head.
- Oh, really? Excuse me, I didn't know that. Said I grabbing them both by the nipples.
- Ouch! Ouch! Let go, you bitch or you'll be sorry!
- How did you call me?
Said I squeezing them even harder.
- Tell me, do you know why is not recommended for unarmed ... breasts to mess with armed people? Twisting them:
- Hmmm? Answer me! Do you know why?
- B...b...bbbecause they might get killed?!
Said the big brown-nippled shaking from all his joints.
- Correct! Because they might get killed. And do you know what a dead breast is good for?... DO YOU?!
- A dead breast is good for nothing. So, thinking of my poor sisters who must be crying after you I will spare your lives. Go home to your mothers and cut the crap, understood? - ..... - UNDERSTOOD?!
- Yes, m'am! Yes!
- Ok, go now! And if I see your sorry nipples one more time I'm really gonna fuck you up!
- Yes! Yes! Said both of them while they were running away like crazy.
- Hahaha, look at them running! Chickeeeens! Well, I must admit you handled the situation pretty good. I didn't know that you can be so gansta'.
- Me? I am the mother of gansta', biatch!
The laughter didn't last long ( like most of the good things in my life ) because after we turned the corner, a big gang of nasty looking breasts led by the two punks I just met cut our way.
- There she is! That's the bitch who stole from us and squeezed our nipples! The gang surrounded me and took all my weapons.
The stretch marked breast leader came forward:
- So, I guess you underestimated us, hm? You are not the only one, but you were the most aggressive and so we will use you as an example. She slapped me in the face.
- Tell me, why didn't you give the money to my friends? I'll tell you why: “ I won't give money to a pair of breasts!” Is this what you thought? “ I rather humiliate them and squeeze their nipples than giving them what is theirs” (Slap!) Is THAT what you thought? The payment time has come, what do you think about that ... biatch?!
- In the first place I think that you should stay away from me. Your stank of alcohol is so bad that it makes me sick.
- Enough! Take her!
Said she to his army and they took me in front of the government building where all the press was taking pictures and filming us while the breast leader was preparing his megaphone and then spoke:
- Attention, nation! Look, we've got a hostage now! Unless you don't want the stains of her blood on your hands you will do the following: put the silicone surgery and the push up bras against the law, give us the money that the girl owes us which is ... 5000 aatchis and resign. If not she will be dead by noon ...
I felt a vibration in my pocket and I heard my telephone ring.
- Hmmm ... hello?!
- Hey, is Beth. Honey, I saw on TV that those bastards took you hostage and I got so worried about you. Are you ok? - ..... - Hello!
- Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of question is that? Yes, I am ok! I am having the time of my life! Is there anything else you would like to know?
- Listen, I'm getting pretty sick of this smart superior attitude of yours. I was nice and I called you with the best intentions and I won't allow you to use this tone with me anymore, understood? Goodbye! ( Zbufff! )
In the meantime a reporter was talking to the camera:
- Ladies and gentleman, the prime minister's spokesman is coming at the gates to communicate with the breast leader. We will stream live the prime minister's answer to the breasts requests.
The prime minister came close to the gates and spoke through them.
- Hello ladies, gentlemen, honored breasts! After 10 long minutes of debates, we decided that the best decision for the greater good of Aatcha is not to negotiate with terrorists so we won't fulfill your requests. You are free to kill the hostage!
The spokesman turned his back leaving behind an army of furious drunk noisy breasts and a frozen by astonishment single breasted girl.
“ So, that's how is going to be? I must admit that this exceeds even the most hidden thought that I ever had regarding my death. Hmm, look at that, the most unusual death after the most banal life. The law of compensation I guess. Shit! “
- Everyone get away, motherfuckeeers!
- Geeez, is that Leftie? W
ith the speed of light she installed herself back in her place.
- Hi, Rightie! Missed me?
- Sure thing, Leftie.
- Than take this! She handed to her sister a big Kalashnikov.
- What are you doing? Don't shoot them! What about their owners? What are they supposed to do?
- Put some silicone.
They began to shoot everywhere, everyone, merciless, continuously ... just the way I like it. Some of the breasts who were still sober enough ran away and saved themselves while the other ones dropped dead one by one in swamps of blood and milk which combined became some kind of pink fluid.
The nightmare was over. The prime minister thanked me and my breasts 100 times for saving the town and offered us 50.000 aatchis as an apology. I took the money and went home. I entered my apartment and looked around. Everything was exactly the same as I had left it this morning, just like nothing had happened. I turned on the TV:
“ Back with the latest news, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks to our authorities and leaders, the situation seems to be again safe and under control. “
On the TV were images of janitors sweeping the dead breasts from the sidewalks.
“ The aesthetic clinics directors declared that they are willing to make huge sales for silicone surgeries for the women who lost their breasts.
- Is at least we can do in compensation for the drama that they went and still going through.
Declared Dr. Lame, the director of the Aesthetic Surgeons Association. ...”
- Go to hell!
I turned off the TV, took my favorite argan oil and gave my breasts a nice massage as a reward for the heroes that they had been.
- Tell me, Leftie, why did you put me through all this?
- I'm sorry, I just ... I felt so lonely, sad and worthless. I woke up sad every morning without any desire or joy of living and then I found out about the great revolution and thought that the leader's speech made sense. It was exactly what I needed in the situation that I was: A light of hope for the better and so I fell in the trap and went with them. But after the revolution started I saw that they were using it as an excuse to behave like assholes, get drunk and in the end it was just about taking over the town, not about the breasts rights so I left. I came back home, but you weren't here so I imagined that you are looking for me so I went after you. When I finally found you I heard you asking Rightie if
she sees me anywhere in the breast gathering and her reproaching you that you are not able to recognise your own breast and again ... I got sad and decided to go on my own separate way.
- Oooh, Leftie, I'm so sorry!
- In the end I saw on TV that they got you hostage and I said “ enough is enough already!”, took some weapons and came after you. And what followed ... you know as well as I do.
- Yes. Thank you so much! Both of you! You were really great today! Really! Are you sleeping? Yes, no wonder after such a day. It's so good to have you back!
18th of April 2014, 3:30 AM Last morning I got up with the very precise desire of measuring the distance between my nipples. The result: 19 cm.
- The End -